How to make people happy
You can make people (including yourself!) happier, and the reason you aren’t doing it is because you are stuck in your own head.
Express gratitude
Give more genuine compliments to people you know
Don’t feel awkward about offering to help, even if you can’t solve the problem
Reach out to some old contacts and say “hi”
Science says it is okay, and not nearly as awkward as you think.
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Theory of Mind
…I have a strong theory of mind about our founder. And he has one for me. That allows us to work together very efficiently. I generally know the types of decisions or ideas that I need to bring to him and the ones I can move quickly on. I am sure the same is true for people who have worked with me for a long time.
This is why it’s so important as a leader not to just communicate your decisions, but to communicate the context around them. That helps people to progress with fewer cycles on the immediate issue and it will also compound over time as they learn the more general rules that govern your thinking.
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On sarcasm
Sarcasm “works” because it alludes to a critique without ever actually making it. It shifts the burden of substantiating the criticism as an exercise for the audience and further suggests that if they don’t already understand it then they are deficient. Making a critique implicit is an unassailable rhetorical position.
Sarcasm does nothing to advance our understanding of the world around us or help us improve it…Sarcasm is too lazy to engage in such important discussion. Sarcasm attacks without providing solutions. Sarcasm implies alignment where there is none.
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Be kind, not just nice
I am not sure that this essay’s definitions of “kind” and “nice” are universally accepted, however the sentiment of the essay is beautiful, and we should aspire for the behavior described as “kind”.
A kind person will help you understand reality as it is, prompt you to reflect, and nudge you to fine-tune your position till you get to a place where your resolution is helpful for you. A nice person will tell you what feels good - and often what you think you want to hear at that time - even if it doesn’t help you move past that situation.
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When you ask for feedback, the kind person will be warm and constructive in their feedback. But they will hold nothing back. They understand that the process of asking for feedback means you trust them enough for them to tell you the truth as they see it, even if it may bruise your ego. The nice person doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, they also will give you warm feedback. But just the good one. They don’t see it as their responsibility to tell you the ‘bad’ part. They imagine you’ll eventually hear it - maybe from the market, from those you serve, or from life.
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